Bad hair day

So I'm back in Manila after a 23 hour flight. Yes, 23 hours. I felt like I had circumnavigated the globe. Anyway, I'm back and it is as depressing as I thought it would be. Partly because I badly need a haircut, and partly because I really, really hate living here. There, I said it. Yes, it fucking sucks to live in Manila, and I've done it for the majority of my time on earth. I tell you why:
1) It is too hot and sticky all year round. 2) Traffic is bad. 3) People are rude and hate each other for being poor, or uneducated, or for being dark skinned. 4) Election is a farce. The leaders in office have been butt fucking the general population for ages. Without lube even. (I must clarify on retrospect that this is not a good thing). 5) I am nothing here. I will be earning minimum wage as a resident M.D.. I refuse to be butt fucked so blatantly. So there. I wonder what time the barbershop opens.

Slacking

So much for "once daily at bedtime." I am a slacker writer. I realize though the repulsiveness of indulging my emo-ness in a blog. I refuse to be just another drama queen in the interwebz. I want to start writing about stuff that really matter from now on.

...

...

...

I think the reason I do not understand the stigma around Psychiatry is because I honestly believe every human being is a basketcase. No exceptions.

Had an odd dream about some freak accident (I don't remember what happened) that left my left eye blind. I was confined and when the doctor broke the news to me I cried like a baby. My immediate thought was could I still be a skilled surgeon without stereoscopic vision? How important is depth perception in a field that requires..well.. surgical precision? And then I realized it wouldn't matter because I could mask my left eye and become an awesome ninja. Lolz silly me.

I received this text message just a few minutes ago:

"breaking down in d middle of d nayt isnt a very nice hobby.. but im doing it nvrtheless, still not used to it eh? then i was reminded of u. we are in d same boat. my ride isnt certain wen to end. its d journey dat kills me. i just hope things will beter sooner :( crybaby as i am. hope ur fine" (sic)

I am so not in a consoling mood right now. Odd how I can be so intolerant of other people's drama when I myself can be so easily reduced to a gushing funeral when things don't go my way. I cringe now when I read back on old posts. It's just crazy how I can lose myself. I suppose it's a good thing that I can look back and be utterly annoyed by my self-pity. Self-pity is like B.O., you can't smell it while you are soaking in it, but everyone else can. I remember though that it took a good round of SSRIs, a lot of yosi binging, a few good scriptures and quotes, family and most of all awesome friends to get me through. I can imagine now how heavy it must have been for them. Being a shoulder-to-cry-on = carrying a lot of dead, sobbing weight around. I guess it's my turn now? Suckage. Wala akong tyaga! I'll reply tomorrow. Maybe.

P.S. I want my own unbearably adorable puppy that can't get right-side-up.

I saw the Jabbawockeez at Glorietta yesterday with Roadrockafella and DL. Actually, "I got to watch them on the projection screen" would be more accurate. Glorietta park is just not the best venue for a crowd that size. Obviously, mall management underestimated Jaba's fanbase. Of course I am just bitter for not getting there early enough. I was also not at all excited about having a sauna experience fully clothed. If I didn't have a cold I would also be complaining of the stench of humans *transforms into an Agent*. Not being tall enough to see past the girl riding on her dad's shoulder or for that matter the batok of the person in front of me did NOT factor in at all to the shittiness of the experience.

JABBAWOCKEEZ SINGLE LADIES from Tiffanie Tayag on Vimeo.

The highlight of the night has got to be them dancing Single Ladies. Because it's just sexy. For me personally however, this is what makes the whole experience worth it:

Deal or No Deal

Every day, every moment demands a decision. Will you be a medical student today? Will you let yourself get distracted by people walking past your table at the coffee shop while studying? Will you make that business call now or finish your lunch? Will this be your last cigarette? Will you let your mind dwell on defeats? Will you let depression settle into your being? We are what we are today because of the decisions we made. I will be who I want to be.